Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
