I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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