Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
