do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
