She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
