you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
