Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
