I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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