1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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