Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A+ Viking dick
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
