So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
