I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
