How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
