No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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