I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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