This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
the raccoons are back...
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