in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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