P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
