someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
