What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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