Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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