Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
