YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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