then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
