she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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