I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
