You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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