I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
