I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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