Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
