i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
