Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
