she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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