He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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