I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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