I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
