i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
