everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it hurts more in the daytime
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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