just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
