I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
