He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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