Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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