went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
