You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
