watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
