Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
