Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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