Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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