I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
