my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
